Engineering Unity: A Family Covenant

Successful Everest expeditions have a leader working behind the scenes to build unity amongst team members. Given the headstrong personalities often attracted to mountain climbing, this is no easy task.

But through weeks of constant effort, he establishes an environment of trust and cohesion for the team. He teaches them to belay, or attach a fixed rope to another climber to protect each other against a fall. By the time the team approaches the extreme altitudes of Everest, they must be able to work together, depend on each other, and trust one another with their lives—knowing that there’s another person on the end of the 150-foot rope who is willing to risk life and limb for them. In Into Thin Air, Jon Krakauer puts it like this, “Roping up in this fashion is a serious and very intimate act.” Climber Jochen Hemmleb adds, “When you know you have to rely on another person for your own safety, and he upon you, you learn a level of trust that simply doesn’t exist very often in the normal world.”

Fathers are called to take that same proactive approach inside of the home. But the reality is that most men are content to simply break up fights, not manufacture unity. I live in a house with three boys, and I can tell you with authority that family unity is an engineered peace; it doesn’t come naturally. Petty squabbles, ongoing disagreements, and hardened attitudes will form unless a man is relentless in stomping these attitudes out—but without stomping on his family in the process (Eph. 6:4). A man must avoid accepting sibling rivalries, biting sarcasm, and sinful behaviors that are accepted and joked about by the world. He needs to work hard to provide an environment that encourages friendship and loyalty among his kids.

That’s why spending a lot of time together as a family is such a critical decision a man needs to make. One of the nasty side effects of a family going in separate directions all week is that they will invariably find it impossible to pull together in the rare moments that they are under one roof. However, the more families work, play, and study alongside each other on a day-to-day basis, the more family members develop an uncommon bond that is rarely seen in today’s world.

One step my family recently took was to sign a family covenant. During one particular low point back in November, I realized that reminders from dad were only going so far. Upon reflection, I began to understand the importance of giving each member of the family an opportunity to make an explicit point-in-time commitment towards unity. So, based on Eph. 6:1-4, I wrote what I called the Ad Alta Simul (“to the summit together”) Family Covenant, a short, informal piece that now serves as a reminder of our mutual commitment together to walk in Christ. It’s no panacea, but the covenant has proven a solid foundation and document to return to when inevitable conflict arises.

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Ad Alta Simul
Covenanting Together

Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord,[a] for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. — Ephesians 6:1-4

As a member of this family:

I desire to enter into a covenant relationship between God and each member of my family in which I will honor God as I serve my family in the role that he has ordained for me—brother, son, mother, or father.

I will strive to live out Ephesians 6:1-4 in all aspects of the home and life together.

I will strive hard to walk in humility and obedience and in my heart of hearts want nothing more than to serve the Lord.

Though we are not perfect and will have ups and downs, I will always return to the unity that we all share in Christ.

Above all, this is my heartfelt commitment.

Signed,
Rich Wagner
Kim Wagner
Jordan Wagner
Jared Wagner
Justus Wagner